Yesterday at work, I struck up a conversation with a nice-looking guy who took a lot of interest in me. He asked my age, my birthday. He complimented my nails. Since it was slow in the store, I decided talking to people was preferrable to standing in one place in total silence, so we chatted for a while. Then, out of nowhere, he hit me with a request that sent me reeling into confusion.
"So, the reason I came over was to ask you for your phone number."
Trying to formulate a thought, I quickly muttered something about my five-year relationship, and he smiled, and walked away.
I'm always surprised when things like that happen to me. I've always thought I don't deserve the adulation of others. I've always been too scrawny, or not thin enough. Or that my hair was too plain, or too edgy. Or that no one would ever see past the veneer of my skin, marred by blemishes and caked in makeup, to find me admirable or desirable. I had in my head the list of things a "perfect" woman should be. She's Kim Kardashian.
Granted, Kim Kardashian makes all the lists, the sexiest this and most elligible that, but if I saw Kim Kardashian on the street, I wouldn't give her a second look, because everyone in the world looks like Kim Kardashian. I mean, she's kind of boring. Perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect figure, perfect makeup. There's nothing interesting about her. She's a living Barbie doll.
When I see someone on the subway, and can't stop staring, it's usually because something unusual has caught my eye: a quirky outfit, a well-executed cat-eye, even a kind face! Something about that person gives off an "it" factor. You can see a story, you feel you know them, you just can't deny wanting to be around them. When you look at Kim Kardashian, what's the story there?
I guess what I'm trying to say is, why is it so easy to see the beauty in others, but so hard to recognize it in ourselves? Why do I have "flaws" while others have "defining characteristics"? Are "beauty" and "conformity" analogous terms these days? Where have all the cowboys gone?