Reasons Why I'm Broke Because It's 100 Degrees Outside

Spending $12 on an ice cream cone from a truck comes as natural as breathing.

Air conditioners must be run constantly or I wake in the middle of the night from dreams where I am literally burning in hell only to find that I, in fact, am.

Air-conditioned stores lure me in with their fans blasting life-saving cold air out into the street, and then snag me by my pocketbook with their fall-minded fashion.

Restaurants give out free water and a cold place to sit down, and then put their tantalizing menus in front of your face. EVIL!

I spend $104 on a Metrocard only to use it twice a week to go to work and back because it's too hot to leave the house unless I'm getting paid for it.

Trying to beat the heat chemically comes with a hefty price: skin care must be anti-UV, lips are chapped, makeup is caked over sunburn, misters, hats, fans, stuff stuff stuff!

My laundromat doesn't have central air, so I must buy more clothes to make doing the laundry a less frequent necessity. But when laundry is unavoidable, frequent trips to Starbucks for life-saving iced coffee beverages are required between cycles.