Before you even think it, I am NOT fishing for ideas to write about. Let me just say, I've long had a tradition of doing my nails on Monday nights, because that is the only night I find myself guaranteed to be "man-less." Men are not conducive to pointless beauty routines and other such girly indulgences. They haven't the patience for French New Wave cinema, disco music or the creativity to create a nail look inspired by an ice cream truck, and for that, they will always be the inferior species, at least in my esteem. Nay, painting my nails on Monday nights is an exciting and longstanding tradition in my household, and I shall continue to do so whether or not I document it for all the world to see.
It's usually expected, when writing about things of this ilk, that one names the products one uses. Not that I expect people to run to the stores and buy them, even though I photographed them oh-so-flatteringly by the light of lamp and candle (another pasttime which men have little patience or understanding for. MEN!), but because I enjoy the names given to nail polishes. Like the names of crayons, nail polish names have little to nothing to do with the actual color of the polish. From left to right, these beauties are: Sinful Colors' "Bali Mist", Street Wear's "Incognito", Sally Hansen Hard As Nails' "The 'It' List", and Sally Hansen's "Flawless". You may look at it and think, "That's clear!" but NO! It is a clear so clear as to render one's hands FLAWLESS and so it is named. If you put all the colors and names together, it sounds as though my fingernails must now resemble a jet-setting heiress traveling through the jungle in a trench coat and fake mustache. Which, thank you, is exactly what I was going for.
The problem with "Bali Mist" is that it seems to be, actually, a top coat. For the gents, a top coat is the same as a coat coat - nice to wear on occasion but you wouldn't really wear it without clothes underneath (unless perhaps you're an heiress stealing away to the jungle in little more than a trench coat, trying to remain unrecognized to avoid the paparazzi catching your wardrobe malfunction on film?). Unfortunately, you wouldn't know this until AFTER you buy it and put on 4,000 layers of it, trying to make it opaque. Funny how they didn't mention that on the bottle. I, for one, would prefer more transparency in the nail-polish-naming industry. And that was the sound of my heart breaking as I realized there really isn't much of a market for nail art humor.
A layer of "Incognito" and a camera flash mishap later and my nails are beginning to look more and more mysterious. See, this is exactly what I had planned all along....
Except, not. I think it's pretty futile trying to take a decent picture in this mood lighting. On to the bathroom:
And this is what my hands actually look like. It's subtle and yet rich, like an oil tycoon's daughter living in poverty in a third world country to hide her wealth and fit in with the common people. So, exactly what I was going for. I feel like we really accomplished something here.