Friday, April 23, 2010
And It's (Mostly) Spencer's Fault
Do you think Heidi Montag ever watches reruns of The Hills and thinks, "Oh my God, what happened to me, I have the lowest self-esteem of anyone on the planet"?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Haiku - Congratulations, Seth Aaron!
You GO, Seth Aaron!
You rocked this thing from the start!
Now go cut your sideburns.
You rocked this thing from the start!
Now go cut your sideburns.
Give It A REST, Girl!
I can't help but think, all these birth control ads during the Project Runway finale feel like they're subtly aimed at Heidi Klum.
What Is He ON???
Oh, the only thing that would make this video better is if you took away the sound and put the Benny Hill music underneath.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Jersey Is Fine - From The Safe Distance Of My Living Room
Jerseylicious is the best reality show capitalizing on the freak success of Jersey Shore.
There is a floundering hero, a psychotic villain, and plenty of bronzer. I dare you to tell me it's not riveting television.
There is a floundering hero, a psychotic villain, and plenty of bronzer. I dare you to tell me it's not riveting television.
If Only 'Twere Possible
In the future, all actual farming will be done by giant robots, directed by college students playing Farmville on facebook.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Celebrities I Think Would Be Fun To Hang Out With
Tina Fey
Alicia Silverstone
Bill Clinton
Tyra Banks
Jason Mraz
Alicia Silverstone
Bill Clinton
Tyra Banks
Jason Mraz
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Literally EVERYONE Hates The Westboro Baptist Church
http://www.examiner.com/x-10853-Portland-Humanist-Examiner~y2010m4d9-Westboro-Baptist-Church-too-extreme-for-Klu-Klux-Klan
The next press release I want to see denouncing the Westboro Baptist Church is one directly from God:
Dear Westboro Baptist Nutcases,
Stop putting words in my mouth. I hate YOU.
Sincerely, God
PS: You SUCK so hard!!!
The next press release I want to see denouncing the Westboro Baptist Church is one directly from God:
Dear Westboro Baptist Nutcases,
Stop putting words in my mouth. I hate YOU.
Sincerely, God
PS: You SUCK so hard!!!
They Were Probably There To Torch the Judy Blume Books
True Story: today, I almost hit a parked car because I was so shocked at seeing a car (well, truck, obviously) with a McCain/Palin bumper sticker in the library parking lot.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
A Match Made In Greasy, Headless Chicken Heaven
So it seems that KFC is donating some of its profits to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Good for them, but it's only fitting since they're contributing to moobs, they should do something good for breasts in return.
Haiku - WTF, ANTM?
Size zero bitches
Learn "what their body type is"
Um....it's called, "SKINNY".
(dedicated to this week's episode of America's Next Top Model)
Learn "what their body type is"
Um....it's called, "SKINNY".
(dedicated to this week's episode of America's Next Top Model)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
How To Be A Mom, Accoding to MTV's 16 & Pregnant
1. Find a teenage boy who is older, but less mature than you.
2. Give up your perfectly sane contraceptive plan.
3. Get accidentally knocked up.
4. Decide not to abort/give up baby for adoption out of narcissistic and naive belief that you can handle the consequences.
5. Say "it's hard" a lot, without referring to anything specific.
6. Come to senses, kick loser boyfriend out.
7. Lose senses again, let him come back for the birth of the baby.
8. Make feeble attempt to stay a part of the world by taking online classes and dragging your former friends into awkward encounters with your horrid new offspring.
9. Focus all your unreturned affection from your deadbeat boyfriend, angst at having disappointed your parents, regret for losing out on the best years of your life, and low self esteem from having failed at life into insane, obsessive love for your baby.
10. Completely drop out of life, cut yourself off from everyone but your loser boyfriend, quit your feeble attempt at school, give up any hope for a future to spend all your time doting on the precious fruit of your sordid loins and smother her/him until he/she rebels and has unprotected sex, completing the cycle of ignorance.
Optional Step 11: Say "it's hard" a lot, again.
2. Give up your perfectly sane contraceptive plan.
3. Get accidentally knocked up.
4. Decide not to abort/give up baby for adoption out of narcissistic and naive belief that you can handle the consequences.
5. Say "it's hard" a lot, without referring to anything specific.
6. Come to senses, kick loser boyfriend out.
7. Lose senses again, let him come back for the birth of the baby.
8. Make feeble attempt to stay a part of the world by taking online classes and dragging your former friends into awkward encounters with your horrid new offspring.
9. Focus all your unreturned affection from your deadbeat boyfriend, angst at having disappointed your parents, regret for losing out on the best years of your life, and low self esteem from having failed at life into insane, obsessive love for your baby.
10. Completely drop out of life, cut yourself off from everyone but your loser boyfriend, quit your feeble attempt at school, give up any hope for a future to spend all your time doting on the precious fruit of your sordid loins and smother her/him until he/she rebels and has unprotected sex, completing the cycle of ignorance.
Optional Step 11: Say "it's hard" a lot, again.
Movie Review - My Life In Ruins
As far as "woe is me, my life is terrible because I'm so underappreciated but thank God this handsome guy 20 years younger than me is inexplicably in love with me and suddenly my life is perfect because all I've needed all along is the validation of a man" movies go, this one is fairly entertaining.
Perfect For Keeping Your Cankles Warm?
Uggs are super popular.
Cankles are super unpopular.
However, when wearing Uggs, it give the wearer the illusion of having cankles.
How does this make ANY sense???
Cankles are super unpopular.
However, when wearing Uggs, it give the wearer the illusion of having cankles.
How does this make ANY sense???
She Shall Be Called, The Tydra...
Tyra Banks is a beast with two heads.
One head smizes with an air that commands respect and deference, a woman who has built an empire upon her image and promotes her own platform with her long-spanning career.
The other one want you to bring her some Popeye's before she chokes a bitch.
One head smizes with an air that commands respect and deference, a woman who has built an empire upon her image and promotes her own platform with her long-spanning career.
The other one want you to bring her some Popeye's before she chokes a bitch.
Movie Review - Alice (A SyFy Original Movie)
This version just proves that the story is TOTALLY about drugs.
Not Out Of Defiance, But Because It Just Bores Me
Tonight is the return of new episodes of Glee, and I just might be the only person with a degree in Theatre/Performance who will NOT be watching it tonight.
I mean, besides the people in shows or rehearsals, who are videotaping it, DVRing it, or having a friend DVR it to watch tomorrow.
I mean, besides the people in shows or rehearsals, who are videotaping it, DVRing it, or having a friend DVR it to watch tomorrow.
My Most Ridiculous Pet Peeves
"Deep south" accents
People whose eyebrows are overplucked/invisible
Audrina Patridge, Scarlett Johansen, and Kirstin Dunst
Pointing out my own hypocrisy at me
Copy-and-Paste facebook statuses
Lollipops, gum, and jawbreakers
People whose eyebrows are overplucked/invisible
Audrina Patridge, Scarlett Johansen, and Kirstin Dunst
Pointing out my own hypocrisy at me
Copy-and-Paste facebook statuses
Lollipops, gum, and jawbreakers
Friday, April 9, 2010
...And She Did NOT Like It...
Don't feel bad for Katy...she's used to green liquid spraying her projectile-style.
She's engaged to Russel Brand!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Movie Review - Roman Holiday
If you only have 180 minutes to spend in Rome, don't waste 120 of them on exposition.
Best Billboards EVER
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-do-dudes-even-sag-their-pants-anymore/
My little brother does. If you think it's awkward seeing random strangers sag their pants, try watching your 10-years-younger brother sagging.
My little brother does. If you think it's awkward seeing random strangers sag their pants, try watching your 10-years-younger brother sagging.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
DWTS Observation
Kate Gosselin's paso doble on this Monday's Dancing With The Stars has all the subtlety of a linebacker charging down the field and all the supple grace of this guy:
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Just Kidding...All Is Right In Kansas...
http://www.aolnews.com/crime/article/kansas-abortion-docs-murderer-scott-roeder-gets-life-prison-term/19423364
This guy sounds like an absolute nut. Does he have anything to do with the Westboro Baptist Church, also from Kansas? What is up with Kansas lately?
No wonder Dorothy wanted to leave so bad.
This guy sounds like an absolute nut. Does he have anything to do with the Westboro Baptist Church, also from Kansas? What is up with Kansas lately?
No wonder Dorothy wanted to leave so bad.
April Fool's!!!...???...?!?!?
Is Bill O'Reilly speaking out AGAINST the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas? Is the world gone insane? Is right wrong, and is up down?
http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/bill-oreilly-joins-albert-snyder-father-of-marine-in-battle-over-funeral-protest/19422884?icid=mainmaindl1link3http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolnews.com%2Fnation%2Farticle%2Fbill-oreilly-joins-albert-snyder-father-of-marine-in-battle-over-funeral-protest%2F19422884
http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/bill-oreilly-joins-albert-snyder-father-of-marine-in-battle-over-funeral-protest/19422884?icid=mainmaindl1link3http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolnews.com%2Fnation%2Farticle%2Fbill-oreilly-joins-albert-snyder-father-of-marine-in-battle-over-funeral-protest%2F19422884
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