Saturday, January 30, 2010

Fun With Math

Hugh Hefner is getting old. On a scale of one to ten in hotness, his current girlfried trifecta is probably about a 19, whereas his previous three girlfriends totalled closer to 26. That's a downgrade, people.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Movie Review - 500 Days of Summer

Each night he asks the stars up above, "Why must I be an ex-child-star hipster in love?"

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Movie Review - Revolutionary Road

Now they'll never have Paris.

I Know The Feeling


Open Letter To My Headaches

Dear Headaches,

I have tried several medicines, but yet you persist. I have tried quiet, resting my eyes, napping during the day, and drinking tea. Yet you persist. I strongly dislike you.

Yours (despite my objections),

me

Monday, January 25, 2010

You Know You're Old When...

You've already seen the reruns on TVLand network when they originally aired on television, but due to your failing memory they are new and exciting to you.

TFLN vs. FML

While a variety of Texts From Last Night are vulgar and recount drunken escapades in poor spelling, most FMLs are self-indulgent people claiming the end of the world because they spilled spaghetti on the floor. Victory, TFLN.

As If They Needed A Reason

The new MTV show My Life As Liz centers around a character who is not only manic-depressive, but possibly also withdrawn from society, quick to anger, and seemingly borderline schizophrenic, giving today's young girls a wonderful role model to emulate sulky behavior.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I Made It So You Know It's True


Cold Season Is Here


Movie Review - Taking Woodstock

Ang Lee is to homosexuality as Dmitri Martin is to subtlety.

1996 called....

America's Funniest Home Videos has changed a lot over the years, but as long as it still boasts dads getting whacked in the crotch with wiffle ball bats, I'm riveted.

Google Suggestion Fail

I typed in "How do you" and Google suggested "How do you get pregnant", leading me to think that either curious kids in abstinence-only sex education are forced to turn to Google to teach them the facts of life that their conservative parents are so reticent to have them find out, or that vindictive girlfriends who want to force their partners to marry them have adopted (fine word choice) Google as their evil-doing-search-engine of choice. I forgot what I was trying to look up in the first place.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

If You Haven't Seen It, It's New To You

Reruns of old shows on TV are like brand-new exciting television. Also, Roseanne is a very underrated show. Nice touch playing scenes from The Lost Weekend underneath the credits for the episode where Becky gets drunk and gets in trouble. TV nowadays just doesn't have that kind of smart humour, for the most part.

Do You Think I'm Cynical?

Whenever I see one of those ads for an internet college, I think to myself, "Maybe I should go back to school, then I can get a career and make more money!" Then I remember, I already WENT to college, and I don't have a career or even make a living wage. Is there an internet college you can go to to get respect from the world?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Just Keeping Up With Them...


After Nine Hours of "Tough Love", I Created This Chart


My Hypothesis...

The upcoming movie Valentine's Day will attempt to do for its greeting-card holiday what Love, Actually did for Christmas, except due to the lack of whimsical cockney accents and Hugh Grant's twitchy charm, it will fall short. But I will allow it to prove me wrong.

If You Haven't Figured It Out Already...

The appeal of reality television is that, no matter how terrible a person you are, the people on reality TV are always infinitely worse than you.

From www.graphjam.com


Thursday, January 14, 2010

We Guarantee Someone Will Get Punched In The Face In Every Episode!

You know how, in dystopian science fiction, television has devolved into blood-sports and pornography? The future is NOW - back to back episodes of Jersey Shore.

This Movie Is Awesome!!!

You Know You're Homesick For NYC When...

* you watch the opening sequence to Woody Allen's "Manhattan" over and over and over...

* the music video for "Empire State of Mind" makes you nostalgic for getting lost in "rough" neighborhoods.

* you hit up the local Starbucks several times a day and pretend like you're going to a new one every time.

* getting hit on by a random guy in the Salvation Army doesn't even bother you when he reveals he's originally from Brooklyn, and knows what train you take to get to work.

* you fake an exaggerated accent akin to one you might hear in an outer borough, just to hear obnoxious nasal sounds again.

* watching The Jersey Shore makes you miss dealing with those people all the time.

* it takes a while to get used to people speaking English all around you.

* everyone in restaurants seems to talk much quieter than they used to...and swear less.

Late to the party...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

But I love this site.

Just Let It Rest In Peace!!!

Does anyone else feel haunted by commercials for "The Lovely Bones"?

Queer Eye for the... Dog?

Is it just me or does anyone else miss that show?

funny pictures of dogs with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

Who Doesn't Love A Good Pun?

funny pictures of dogs with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

If You Like Torture...and Japanese Game Shows...

Silent Library on MTV just goes to show what weird things Americans will do for cash.

And what bizarre things Japanese game show masterminds will do to Americans as revenge for coming up with MTV.

I feel bad for laughing...almost...

funny pictures of dogs with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Movie Review - Youth In Revolt

Grease 2 with a Juno attitude - minus the songs, plus an SAT vocabulary.

Friday, January 1, 2010

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