Saturday, February 6, 2010
Somebody Tell Me I'm Not Making This Up
There's this pseudo-educational program on Adult Swim at 12:45 on Friday nights that is so brilliant I'm afraid I fell asleep and dreamed it. A sample: "Germs originated in Germany before spreading throughout the world".
Friday, February 5, 2010
They'll call them, "J-humans"
The Duggars terrify me. This is my thought process why:
1. In twenty-five years they have produced 19 offspring.
2. All 19 were homeschooled by their fanatically religious parents and older siblings, to believe in their parent's fanatically religious doctrine which believes the outside world is to be feared and avoided.
3. The irony of this being, the parents probably don't believe in evolution and teach their children against it; however, they are demostrating one of the key aspects of evolutionary biology and pshycology - inclusive fitness - producing as many offspring as possible to populate the area with as many "copies of yourself" as you can.
4. This leads me to believe that they are trying to create a population of themselves, isolated from all humanity, to become a cult or clan of their own species.
1. In twenty-five years they have produced 19 offspring.
2. All 19 were homeschooled by their fanatically religious parents and older siblings, to believe in their parent's fanatically religious doctrine which believes the outside world is to be feared and avoided.
3. The irony of this being, the parents probably don't believe in evolution and teach their children against it; however, they are demostrating one of the key aspects of evolutionary biology and pshycology - inclusive fitness - producing as many offspring as possible to populate the area with as many "copies of yourself" as you can.
4. This leads me to believe that they are trying to create a population of themselves, isolated from all humanity, to become a cult or clan of their own species.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Summary of The Real World: Washington D.C.
Ashley is angry, Callie hates herself, Ty and Emily love/hate each other and Andrew just wants some panda-head.
Movie Review - Persepolis
I just don't understand - why was so much importance placed on the flowers in her Grandmother's bra?
Monday, February 1, 2010
ANTM Disclaimer
Watching America's Next Top Model may cause decreased IQ, lowered self image and ingestion of unhealthy foods as sympathetic overcompensation.
It's a Conspiracy!!!
I can't believe Lady Gaga only won one Grammy. It must be the Grammy committee is made up of gay-hating right-wing Republicans who hate fun.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Fun With Math
Hugh Hefner is getting old. On a scale of one to ten in hotness, his current girlfried trifecta is probably about a 19, whereas his previous three girlfriends totalled closer to 26. That's a downgrade, people.
Friday, January 29, 2010
It's Either the Dumbest Idea Ever, or the Most Brilliant
Oxygen network has a television show called The Bad Girls Club, and it appears to be a cross between America's Next Top Model except the girls are dumber, and every reality dating show on VH1 except there is no washed-up has-been 1980's recording artist to fight over.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Movie Review - 500 Days of Summer
Each night he asks the stars up above, "Why must I be an ex-child-star hipster in love?"
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Open Letter To My Headaches
Dear Headaches,
I have tried several medicines, but yet you persist. I have tried quiet, resting my eyes, napping during the day, and drinking tea. Yet you persist. I strongly dislike you.
Yours (despite my objections),
me
I have tried several medicines, but yet you persist. I have tried quiet, resting my eyes, napping during the day, and drinking tea. Yet you persist. I strongly dislike you.
Yours (despite my objections),
me
Monday, January 25, 2010
You Know You're Old When...
You've already seen the reruns on TVLand network when they originally aired on television, but due to your failing memory they are new and exciting to you.
TFLN vs. FML
While a variety of Texts From Last Night are vulgar and recount drunken escapades in poor spelling, most FMLs are self-indulgent people claiming the end of the world because they spilled spaghetti on the floor. Victory, TFLN.
As If They Needed A Reason
The new MTV show My Life As Liz centers around a character who is not only manic-depressive, but possibly also withdrawn from society, quick to anger, and seemingly borderline schizophrenic, giving today's young girls a wonderful role model to emulate sulky behavior.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
1996 called....
America's Funniest Home Videos has changed a lot over the years, but as long as it still boasts dads getting whacked in the crotch with wiffle ball bats, I'm riveted.
Google Suggestion Fail
I typed in "How do you" and Google suggested "How do you get pregnant", leading me to think that either curious kids in abstinence-only sex education are forced to turn to Google to teach them the facts of life that their conservative parents are so reticent to have them find out, or that vindictive girlfriends who want to force their partners to marry them have adopted (fine word choice) Google as their evil-doing-search-engine of choice. I forgot what I was trying to look up in the first place.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
East Coast vs. West Coast
The typical hot woman in L.A. is a vapid blonde, whereas in New York, she's a neurotic brunette. Watching The Girls Next Door, Real Housewives of Orange County and The Hills gives me culture shock.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
If You Haven't Seen It, It's New To You
Reruns of old shows on TV are like brand-new exciting television. Also, Roseanne is a very underrated show. Nice touch playing scenes from The Lost Weekend underneath the credits for the episode where Becky gets drunk and gets in trouble. TV nowadays just doesn't have that kind of smart humour, for the most part.
Do You Think I'm Cynical?
Whenever I see one of those ads for an internet college, I think to myself, "Maybe I should go back to school, then I can get a career and make more money!" Then I remember, I already WENT to college, and I don't have a career or even make a living wage. Is there an internet college you can go to to get respect from the world?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My Hypothesis...
The upcoming movie Valentine's Day will attempt to do for its greeting-card holiday what Love, Actually did for Christmas, except due to the lack of whimsical cockney accents and Hugh Grant's twitchy charm, it will fall short. But I will allow it to prove me wrong.
If You Haven't Figured It Out Already...
The appeal of reality television is that, no matter how terrible a person you are, the people on reality TV are always infinitely worse than you.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Failing Upward
Tiffany, aka New York, was a contestant on Flavor of Love, but she lost, twice. She got her own reality show, I Love New York, and the second time around, a man named Frank aka The Entertainer, was a contestant. He lost, and now he has his own show, Frank the Entertainer: A Basement Affair.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
We Guarantee Someone Will Get Punched In The Face In Every Episode!
You know how, in dystopian science fiction, television has devolved into blood-sports and pornography? The future is NOW - back to back episodes of Jersey Shore.
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